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Dating is always tough to navigate: What do you text back, who pays the check, and why is it so hard to meet normal people? But dating in 2022 brings a whole new set of difficulties: The old rules of dating no longer apply, most exchanges happen over an app, and we forgot how to do our makeup while staying at home since 2020 (nope, just me?). But difficult or not, you deserve a fulfilling life, fun ways to meet new people, and to actually enjoy dating (because no one should have Charlotte’s dating exhaustion).
Get intentional about the kind of woman you want in your life. Aimlessly taking shots at every girl will only make you come off as a playboy to women. Handling rejection is one of the hardest things about dating. In fact, it’s one of the major reasons why most guys don’t want to approach the woman they like, and it’s understandable. To be able to handle rejection well, you have to change how you look at it. First of all, you have to know yourself and what you bring to the table. High-quality men who have high self-esteem, who know their worth, understand the value they bring to their relationships. They are not begging women to come into their lives. They are looking for women to share an experience with. Hence, even if they get rejected, they can’t take it personally. Taking rejection personally makes you come off as emotionally immature. Know yourself and know what you bring to the table. This will make you understand that you don’t have to beg anyone to stay in your life.
Studies show that intelligence is one of the major things women look at when choosing a romantic partner. And one of the reasons women find intelligence attractive, as many women have confessed, is how intelligence manifests in a man. For instance, if you’re in a conversation (or an argument) with an intelligent man, he’s able to show you how independent his mind is. Instead of just agreeing with everything the woman says, he’s going to present unique perspectives that are going to make the women look at the world differently. And this isn’t something most women come across every day. Furthermore, intelligent men are just more self-aware. They can handle conversations better and handle themselves properly. Women find all these charming.
Consider a low-key coffee, tea, a walk, or a drink instead of dinner: Instead of meeting for dinner on the first date, choose an activity that is potentially shorter, and more relaxed like a walk or a coffee. That way, if you realize after 45 minutes that you just aren’t compatible, you’re not committed to a longer (and potentially expensive!) dinner that may be unpleasant and awkward for both parties. If the date goes well, you can continue to cocktail or segue to dinner and continue the conversation. While it’s easy to add a snack or a bite, it’s more difficult to extricate yourself from dinner.
Repeat after me: Dating should be fun. It should not feel forced, boring, painful, or sad. If it’s not enjoyable, you’re either putting too much pressure on each date, feeling self-conscious about dating, or focusing on the wrong things. Remember that dating is not intended to have only one outcome. Every experience—whether it’s a date, Tinder conversation, or a few months of dating—brings you closer to clarity.
If you’re unhappy with your dating life, I can guarantee you one thing: You’ve probably fallen into a pattern that is no longer serving you. Some singles like to blame their lack of success on others — “There are no good single men left!” or “I just seem to attract shallow women!” — but the reality is, it’s time to start taking responsibility for your own self-sabotaging habits. It may seem like a fairytale at first. One week in they’re already planning a romantic weekend getaway, and by the third date, they’re uttering those three little words. But here’s the truth: when someone is pushing your relationship to move at warp speed, that’s actually a big red flag.
My motto is: you get what you put up with. So, are you willing to accept someone who walks all over you, disrespects your boundaries, or takes from you without giving in return? Expect more. Better yet, work on believing that you deserve more, and that way, you can hold any future partners accountable. Start by making a list of all the skills and positive qualities you can bring to the table in a relationship. Are you a compassionate listener? Generous with your time? Have a great sense of humor? If you need to, ask friends for their take on what your biggest strengths are. Once you’ve drafted your list, read it every single day. Eventually, it’ll start sinking in that you have a lot to offer in a relationship, and therefore, should only be with someone who not only appreciates all of those qualities but also has a lot to offer in return.
The idea that “opposites attract” is a common dating myth. However, there is no such evidence to prove it. Instead, similarity in personality traits and values is a stronger predictor of attraction and relationship success. While differences can bring some excitement to a relationship, it is important to share some common ground to establish a strong foundation. Many people believe that playing hard to get will make them more desirable and increase their chances of being pursued. However, it can actually decrease the perceived level of interest and attractiveness of the person playing the game. It is important to be genuine and communicate clearly to establish a healthy and honest relationship.
Don’t…get too attached too quickly. It’s healthy to keep your options open at the early stages of dating. Commitment should come after you’ve seen real potential in the person you’re dating and after an honest conversation about where you both want things to go. Do…give yourself a break from dating when it’s needed. It’s very important to have a balance in all areas of your life. If work or personal circumstances demand it, taking a break from ‘putting yourself out there’ may well be the best thing you can do. Stretching yourself thinly doesn’t do any favours to you or any of your dates.